You guys. I have complained before about slow gossip days, but today takes the cake. I don't even have to write jokes because the headlines themselves are jokes. Check this out:
• "Jewel rescues injured hummingbird" [People]
• "Jersey Shore house: Fresh new paint job after graffiti onslaught" [TMZ]
• "Jennie Garth: People want to talk about my divorce" [People]
• "Newt Gingrich gets bitten by a penguin" [People]
• "Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis: The FRIENDly sushi dinner date" [TMZ]
• "Katie Homes and Suri Cruise grab a pre-birthday treat" [Popsugar]
• "Jennifer Aniston 'doesn't care' about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's engagement says source" [E! Online]
• "Jennifer Garner turns 40 today!" [Popsugar]
• "Happy Birthday, Victoria Beckham! Posh Turns 38″ [E! Online]
• "Happy Birthday, Rooney Mara! Girl with the Dragon Tattoo star turns 27″ [E! Online]
• Blind item: "It took this B+ actress a little while to make it in Hollywood. She had some very big auditions but lost out to some other actresses for a while. Now though, she is riding that wave and getting to live out her sexual dreams too. I haven't seen someone cuckolded this bad since Christina Aguilera got a hold of her husband. Anyway, a couple of years ago, our actress was quietly dating this A+ movie actor. He is big and brash and foreign born and she loved him and everything about him. The part that she loved the best though was that he let our actress dress him up in dresses and wigs and was the perfect little toy for her. They had a great time but she broke up with him because no matter how fem she made him, he would not do anything in public. She wanted someone she could do things with everywhere. Now, the actor is with someone who has no idea what he really likes so he has to pay someone to fulfill his fantasies. Anyway, back to the current boyfriend of our actress. Talk about feminine. This actor is B+ list and always does movies and is about to hit the big time. He has a much better figure for lingerie and loves makeup both at home and in public. He is also happy to oblige when the actress orders him to wear things in public. Take that little torture device she made him wear on the red carpet. She even squeezed it once caught on camera. Watch the little wince of pain." [CDaN]
UGH. Here's hoping the celebs step it up tomorrow. This leading-normal-lives things is DULL.
